Realistic optimism helps you rebound and forge ahead
Photo by Dayne Topkin on Unsplash
For the next several months, I will be focusing heavily on how key emotional intelligence skills can better serve you in your career and personal life. As we prepare to give thanks for everything good in our lives this month, I think it’s a good time to talk about realistic optimism.
Especially on the heels of many difficult months, thanks to the pandemic, you might feel a touch more bleak than usual. Life this year has been anything but normal, but it can help you to look for the good anyway.
Realistic Optimism vs. Naive Hopefulness
In my experience, many adults wear their cynicism as a badge of honor. Like all of us, they have experienced hard knocks and have built up some emotional walls in self-defense. These cynics might criticize others who express a sense of hope as naive or inexperienced.
However, optimism is not synonymous with naivete – especially when it has roots in reality. Realistic optimists have life experience that has shown them they can rebound from failures, overcome setbacks and achieve goals in spite of imperfection.
According to research:
“These realistic optimists may get the best of both worlds, using their realism to perform better at work and elsewhere, but aren't getting bogged down by unhappiness...Traditionally, a more realistic outlook is paired with poorer well-being and greater depression, yet the realistic optimists managed to be happy.”
In other words, realism vs. optimism doesn’t have to be an either/or choice. You can benefit from a good dose of both. Tempering your optimism with evidence of past setbacks, or counteracting your realism with evidence of past successes, can help you accurately assess new challenges. Most importantly, this assessment allows you to move ahead and take realistic risks, confident in your ability to handle any difficulties along the way.
Realistic Optimism in 2020
A global pandemic provides an ideal testing ground for the practice of realistic optimism. Even the most idealistic person would admit that 2020 has challenged our sense of security and hope.
Collectively, we have faced unprecedented challenges. Personally, you might have experienced many losses this year. For those who have lost loved ones, jobs, income, friends and more, 2020 could begin to represent nothing but pain. However, there have been moments of good this year as well.
Some global examples of good news in 2020 include:
Scientists discovered the first new coral reef in 120 years
Older adults have better physical and mental function than they did 30 years ago
Businesses are adapting and growing worldwide, partially spurred by the pandemic
On a personal note, take stock of what went better than expected in your own life since the pandemic began. Write down:
Challenges you overcame at work and/or at home
Unexpected silver linings that came out of lockdown or working from home
Ways you have invested in your career, health or personal life in 2020
Your realistic hopes for the new year
Sensationalized news sites or social feeds can lure us into believing that the world is a scary and dark place. If you internalize that belief, you can feel paralyzed with fear and dragged down by inertia. On the flip side, if you actively search for the good news and signs of hope, you can spark your internal motivation to keep moving forward.
Also remember that, while you might not be able to see family and friends for Thanksgiving this year, you can look forward to seeing them next year. While your company might need to forgo its annual holiday party in December, maybe they can throw an epic bash in 2021. In the meantime, we can also find nontraditional ways to celebrate and mark these occasions creatively, from a distance. Realistic optimists allow themselves to experience joy in spite of less-than-ideal circumstances.
How to Develop an Optimistic Outlook
So, how do you develop a realistic optimism habit? If you are naturally wired toward pessimism or idealism, it might take a little practice, but incremental changes can make a difference.
Some techniques to try:
Keep a gratitude journal and write in it weekly. Reminders of the good things that happen give you evidence that the world does have a balance of good and bad.
Visualize yourself achieving goals AND overcoming challenges that could arise along the way. Michael Phelps, for example, used visualization to prepare himself for both successes and potential pitfalls.
Put in the work. Optimism without action will get you nowhere. Write out specific steps for how you plan to achieve your goals and act on those steps each day.
Assess your habits. Do your current habits match the vision of where you want to be? What might be holding you back from making progress on your goals? The author of Atomic Habits created this scorecard to help you assess your habits.
Seek out new information. Read and watch a variety of material from a variety of sources. Always keep learning, and be open to new ideas. As mentioned earlier, be sure to keep an eye out for positive, motivating information amid the onslaught of bad news.
Ask for help. Humans work best as part of a community. Seek out the support of a mentor, your supervisor, admired colleagues and others who can help you overcome challenges and achieve results.
What other techniques do you practice that support your realistic optimist goals? I would love to hear about them.
To learn more about cultivating strong emotional intelligence skills that can help you go from surviving to thriving, contact me for a complimentary strategy call. I am a certified Social + Emotional Intelligence Coach, and I love working with high achievers committed to improving their work performance so they can get paid what they are worth and have careers aligned to their values.