Mastering the art of emotional regulation in work teams
Photo by the standing desk on Unsplash
In a work team setting, understanding your own emotions – as well as those around you – will help you react more effectively to challenges. Emotional regulation in work teams requires an awareness of your own state of mind and how your reactions affect the people around you.
Emotions at work
Those of us with long work histories have no doubt experienced workplaces where any display of emotion gets a disapproving frown from management. We have been told, overtly or covertly, to “suck it up” and to move on. However, the push for employees to suppress their emotions can backfire.
An authentic and supportive workplace recognizes its people as, well, people. Humans come with a set of complicated emotions that can’t be fully contained when in an office setting. Simply donning a suit and entering a conference room doesn’t turn the Human switch to off. We bring our full selves to work, and that means learning to manage and direct the emotions that inevitably arise throughout the day.
Working with other humans who have different styles, ideas and approaches also can spark conflict and emotional surges on all sides. It’s normal, and the best leaders know how to respect the people and the feelings while also working toward a solution.
Suppressing emotion vs. reappraising emotion
Research points to suppression or reappraisal as the two most common reactions to strong emotions. As HBR reports, suppression can lead to damaging consequences within the individual and the team:
“Suppression is what most people do: hide their feelings and pretend not to feel upset. While this is a popular strategy, it actually leads to a host of negative outcomes for the person: fewer close relationships, more negative emotions, less social support, lower satisfaction with life, poorer memory, and elevated blood pressure. In addition, research has shown that suppressing emotions elevates other people’s stress response. If the coach hides his anger, for example, the blood pressure of those on his team is likely to rise. They may not consciously know that he is angry since he doesn’t appear to be, but they are physiologically registering this inauthenticity and it is setting off an alarm.”
You know what it feels like to be around someone with veiled anger. The tension is undeniable and deeply uncomfortable. While that person might appear calm on the surface, as social creatures, we are wired to detect the nonverbal cues. Not knowing the source of that person’s anger (or any other strong emotion) leaves us to draw our own, often false, conclusions.
The alternative approach involves reassessing or reappraising the emotion and the situation. The HBR article above uses the example of a soccer coach addressing a team after a missed goal. Taking time to reappraise his own disappointment in the moment helps him shift from an attitude of frustration toward one of encouragement and support. He can acknowledge his own and the team’s disappointment, but channel that emotional energy toward helping the team focus on the remainder of the game and their ability to bounce back.
As you better understand behavior cues and signs of emotional imbalance, you hone your empathy and build relationships that support a healthier work environment. Your team needs a leader who can pause, reappraise and proceed with a level-headed approach to any setbacks.
Shifting to reappraisal mode
If you tend to rely on emotional suppression during times of stress, you might need some mental practice before reappraisal becomes comfortable. The same holds true if you are more the speak-before-you-think type. We have all done both, so you are not alone.
Hiding emotions or reacting with an unfettered outburst will damage your relationship with your team, but flexing your reappraisal muscle will serve you well in any leadership role.
Start with these steps:
Commit to calm. Go into any high-conflict situation with a commitment to stay calm. If it helps, give yourself a mental reminder to “pause, think, react slowly” or another cue that works for you. Print out that phrase and place it on your desk as a reminder.
Slow your breath. Simply focusing on taking a few slow, deep breaths can short-circuit your body’s physiological response to intense emotions.
Choose your words. Before you even speak, consider your words as you think about a situation. If your brain sends signals of “danger” or “threat,” rewrite those as “challenge” or another less fear-inducing label. Simply downgrading the emotional labels can take some of the emotional charge out of a situation.
Acknowledge. Be open about your own emotions as well as your team’s. Set the stage for open communication by saying “I am feeling stressed/worried/disappointed about this outcome…” and allow your team to express their own emotions. Also acknowledge that everyone makes mistakes, but that you believe in your team’s ability to overcome them.
Reappraise and lead. As you open the floor for honest discussion, be sure to model reappraisal for your team. After you have acknowledged the feelings and reactions of the team, show them how you plan to lead through the challenge. “We’re all disappointed, but here’s how we can correct this problem and turn it around…” Don’t allow a vent session to proceed without constructive problem-solving close on its heels.
Spend time reframing the issue. In your own time, consider how the challenge might not be as insurmountable as you first feared. An initial reaction of “this problem will tank our quarterly sales” might become “we uncovered a problem early that will save us time and money in the long run, and we have the skills to fix it.”
You can help your team follow a reappraisal model by encouraging two-way conversation and building trust. As a leader, if you build a culture of emotional regulation and acknowledgement of both human imperfections and emotions, you can encourage your people to work more cohesively. Honesty, openness and trust empower your team to take risks and to problem-solve creatively in the face of inevitable hurdles or conflict.
Working with a coach can help you hone your leadership and team-building skills. Reach out to me to learn more about how executive coaching can take your career to the next level.